How to Detach from Someone with Substance Use Disorder

Sometimes we enable even when we do know the difference. We’re human, and as people who love someone with substance use disorder, we often face painful decisions. Offering a helping hand to a family member in need is normal. Unfortunately, it’s also normal for addicted people to take advantage of loved ones who want to help.

Stay Safe

Experiencing and expressing emotions helps us heal. Most importantly, don’t keep your grief hidden from those who care about you. Being able to talk about the loss and the hurt you feel opens up the door to invaluable support. We are driven to find solutions to problems and find closure for circumstances that generate emotional distress.

Harvard Health Ad Watch: Got side effects? There’s a medicine for that

Though it will not be easy, be prepared to follow through. When my alcoholic fell off the wagon, I read every book, attended AA and Al-Anon meetings, got several counselors, and was an active participant during one of his several trips to rehab. As the old saying goes, you can’t pour from an empty cup. In other words, if you don’t take care of yourself, you may not be able to take care of those around you, either.

I want to get healthier

Clearly communicating your decision to your loved one can help them understand your boundaries. For example, when you love an addict if you frequently find yourself bailing the other person out, you can calmly let them know that you can no longer do this. Find 8 tips below for how to balance supporting the positive health behaviors of your partner, while also taking care of yourself.

• I paid for rehab out of state, she left earlier than I thought she needed and came to live with me (this was before I had to take custody of my grandaughter).
• Communicating with someone with addiction can also be hard if you have a history of supporting their addictive behavior.
• Now I have been honest with our friends about what I have cleaned up and protected them from.

And finally …

I’m barely talking to him because I’m so over everything. Part of me fantasizes about having a decent, normal life down the road without him. He’s trying to get on my good side with cheap talk, but I just don’t have it in me anymore. I know none of this is my fault but it still hurts all the same and the guilt just creeps in.

Excitement and desire may be heightened by intrigue or our partner’s unpredictability or unavailability. We may remain attached and even crave our partner, but our discomfort or unhappiness grows. Instead of focusing on that, our hunger to be with him or her takes center stage, despite the fact that disturbing facts or character traits arise that are hard to ignore. Nonetheless, we stay and don’t heed our better judgment to leave. Increasingly, we hide our worries and doubts and rely on sex, romance, and fantasy to sustain the relationship. Out of sympathy, we might even be drawn to help and “rescue” our partner and/or try to change him or her back into the ideal we “fell” for.

When someone we love is suffering, we naturally want to help. Pain and discomfort can actually be part of the solution, a wake-up call that cuts through the delusion and denial that characterize addiction. There’s a good chance that you put your personal growth on hold while in this relationship. Express your concerns and fears to the people you are close to, who will listen to you.

What Is Love Addiction?

Wow Jessica , I have a similar story except it’s reversed , my girlfriend in wa. I can relate to your pain as my pain which is purposely inflicted to me is hurtful znd im at my end of rope ? But she lies steals and cheats I hurt and love her , but here I am. Sounds like you will have to call the cops to get him out. The people there will understand, guide you and support you.